What makes you, you?
Fighting for things I want for my children has made me more observant about myself. One of my children is very non defined, and I have made a point of making sure they are not constrained by people saying “boys don’t do that”, “hair shouldn’t look like that”, “children shouldn’t need that”. I have realised actually I had let lots of those statements define me in my younger years, so now I am much more positive in my definition. I am lots of roles, but inside all of them I aim to stick to my core values of being kind, honest and trustworthy. The holds as true in bed or in communication about ideas as in a professionals meeting about my children.
Do you care more about doing the right thing or doing things right?
I have a very strong sense of doing the right thing, even if that isn’t the right thing for me. It gets me into trouble when I fight a point rather than letting it lie, because it is the right thing. I hope though I am thoughtful and informed when I come to choose my path… but once on it I will stick there with tenacity.
What is sexual freedom? Do you have it?
I’m in a monogamous relationship and have been for 15 years, so my definition of freedom might be very different to someone else’s. I am free to be myself, to share my fantasies and desires and to act on as many of them as are possible within the constraints of my chosen relationship structure… I think that is freedom.
In your romantic relationships, is trust more important than love?
Trust can exist without love, but love without trust? Lust, desire, hope… all part of the romantic love package, but trust is crucial to me for it to be love. Trust does not have to mean that person always puts your needs first in their actions, but it does mean communication stays open even when you need to do or think separate things.
Your life, is it more of a dream or a nightmare?
Neither… quite the soap opera at the moment. Four of us in my household are autistic, we have a supporting cast of young people from around Europe as au pairs, so meet lots of different viewpoints, politics and stages of personal development. The central relationships are strong and stable between multiple generations and branches of my family even though they are often defined by being caring roles, including at the moment trying to support my best friend and her family while she is very ill. Love holds us all together in the myriad ways we share it and so all is good.
What is the last romantic thing you did for someone?
Romantic? I pick his t-shirts out of his jumpers before I wash them. Actually, I am not very romantic at all… it’s not my love language. I'm much more service and touch orientated than anything that could be described as typical romance and even in reception, I am more interested in being the focus of attention rather than being given things or treated to experiences.